The Secret Women Leaders Don't Know About Influence
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Episode 32: The Secret Women Leaders Don't Know about Influence
You've learned how to communicate concisely. You've mastered poise under pressure. You've learned to read the room and ask better questions. You've discovered how to lobby strategically.
Yet you are still invisible.
My lovely, lean in and listen up. The truth bomb is this: Your network is infrastructure for influence. Without it, even brilliant communications goes nowhere. The most influential leaders aren't the loudest in the rooms. They're the ones with the deepest relationships.
WHAT YOU'LL DISCOVER IN THIS EPISODE:
✨Why isolation kills influence
The neuroscience of how the busyness trap and transactional networking keep leaders invisible
✨The Savviness Ladder for Intentional Networking (Rungs 1-10)
Identify where you are: from awkward attendee to connector leader
✨Three real-world scenarios: Mary's network transformation
How the same woman goes from isolated deliverer to connector leader—and what changes at each rung
✨Power Move 10: Be More Intentional
The three-circle architecture (inner, middle, outer) for building strategic relationships without manipulation
✨Power Move 28: The Gratitude Note
The relationship stewardship practice that activates oxytocin and makes you unforgettable
✨Jennifer's case study
Real coaching story: How a brilliant ops manager went from isolated to strategically visible in months
✨The neuroscience of relationship-based influence
Why authentic networking activates the vagal brake and creates the foundation for strategic thinking
✨Your 5-step action plan
Map your circles, identify gaps, deepen relationships, write gratitude notes, show up authentically
✨What's coming next: Strategic Brand Presence Mastery series
How your network becomes the infrastructure for your leadership brand
EPISODE NAVIGATION: WHAT YOU'LL DISCOVER
[00:00 - 01:30] THE OPENING TRUTH BOMB: BRILLIANT BUT ISOLATED
You've learned how to communicate concisely. You've mastered poise under pressure. You've learned to read the room and ask better questions. You've discovered how to lobby strategically.
Yet you are still invisible.
Not because you're not communicating well. But because you're communicating in isolation.
Truth bomb: Your network is infrastructure for influence. Without it, even brilliant communications goes nowhere.
Neuroscience insight: The most influential leaders aren't the loudest in the room. They're the ones with the deepest relationships. Relationships create the neurological foundation for everything else you've learned.
[01:30 - 03:40] WHY YOUR NETWORK MATTERS: THE NEUROSCIENCE
The most influential leaders aren't the ones who communicate brilliantly in isolation. They're the ones that have built relationships that amplify everything they do.
Your network is the infrastructure for influence.
It's the ecosystem that:
Carries your ideas
Amplifies your voice
Creates opportunities before you even know they exist
Yet many leaders are invisible in their networks—not because you're incapable, but because you haven't been intentional about building relationships.
[03:40 - 07:15] THE TWO TRY HARDER TRAPS THAT KEEP YOU INVISIBLE
TRAP 1: THE BUSYNESS TRAP
You're so focused on getting work done that you don't have time for relationship building.
Your belief: I don't have time for networking. I have too much work to do.
The neuroscience truth: When you isolate yourself in work, your brain never develops those neural networks needed for strategic thinking.
Your default mode network—the part of the brain that does big-picture thinking—requires downtime and social connection to activate.
Isolation doesn't make you productive. It makes you less strategic.
TRAP 2: THE TRANSACTIONAL NETWORKING TRAP
You reach out to people when you need something. You network with an agenda because you're calculating: Who can help me? Who should I know?
The neuroscience truth: People feel it. Mirror neurons are sophisticated. They detect when you show up with an agenda versus showing up authentically.
When you network transactionally:
You trigger threat response
Cortisol rises
Amygdala is on alert
People go into defence mode
Their prefrontal cortex goes offline
This keeps you isolated, and both these traps make influence invisible.
[07:15 - 14:00] THE SAVVINESS LADDER FOR INTENTIONAL NETWORKING (RUNGS 1-10)
Before you take action, identify which rung you're on. This tells you exactly where to start.
🔹 RUNG 1-2: THE AWKWARD ATTENDEE
You network inconsistently. You attend meetings and events, but it feels awkward. You don't have a system for building relationships. You operate in isolation.
🔹 RUNG 3-4: THE REACTIVE NETWORKER
You know networking matters, but you do it reactively. You reach out when you need something. You feel like you're bothering people. You're not consistent.
🔹 RUNG 5-6: THE INTENTIONAL BUILDER
You intentionally build some relationships. You have coffee occasionally. You're becoming visible in some circles. But it's still spotty, and you revert to isolation when you're under pressure.
🔹 RUNG 7-8: THE DELIBERATE NETWORKER
Your network is deliberate. You have relationships across departments, across industries. You contribute to conversations. You are known.
🔹 RUNG 9-10: THE CONNECTOR LEADER
Your network is diverse and deep. You are the connector. You amplify others. Opportunities come to you because your presence is known.
Coaching Question: Which rung are you on right now? Be honest. This tells you exactly where to start.
[14:00 - 17:10] THREE SCENARIOS: MARY'S JOURNEY FROM ISOLATED TO CONNECTOR
SCENARIO 1: RUNG 2 — THE ISOLATED DELIVERER (Mary)
Mary is brilliant at her work. Her projects deliver on time. Clients are satisfied. But her network is small.
She knows her direct team. She knows her boss. Beyond that, she's relatively unknown.
What happens: When an opportunity comes up—a new product launch that needs cross-functional leadership—her boss doesn't think of her. She's not visible in those circles.
The opportunity goes to someone else that's more networked.
Mary feels frustrated. The project was perfect for my skills. How come I didn't know about it?
The truth: It's because she was isolated. Her network was too small.
SCENARIO 2: RUNG 5-6 — THE INTENTIONAL NETWORKER (Different Mary)
Mary has deliberately built relationships across the organisation.
She grabs coffee with people outside her team. She contributes to other people's team meetings and industry conversations. She's visible in strategic meetings—not because she's been invited, but because she's built relationships with the decision makers.
What happens: When the product launch comes up, three people automatically recommend her. She wasn't looking for the opportunity, but her network amplified it.
Mary gets the project. Not because she's more talented. Because she was visible.
SCENARIO 3: RUNG 8+ — THE CONNECTOR LEADER (Advanced Mary)
Mary doesn't network to get opportunities. She networks because she genuinely connects with people.
She amplifies others. She introduces people. She contributes ideas to conversations outside her role.
What happens: The network doesn't just know her. They advocate for her. They bring her opportunities. They invite her into conversations before decisions are made.
Mary's influence extends far beyond her because her network carries her voice.
[17:10 - 20:00] POWER MOVE 10: BE MORE INTENTIONAL & POWER MOVE 28: THE GRATITUDE NOTE
POWER MOVE 10: IDENTIFY YOUR THREE CIRCLES
This is about deliberately architecting your network—not in a manipulative way, in a strategic way.
YOUR INNER CIRCLE: People in your organisation who influence decisions. Decision makers. Strategists. People you want to be known by.(Aim for 3-5 people)
YOUR MIDDLE CIRCLE: Peers and colleagues you collaborate regularly with. Important to your day-to-day work and visibility.(Aim for 7-10 people)
YOUR OUTER CIRCLE: Your broader professional community. Industry contacts. Thought leaders. People you've met at events or online.(Aim for 20+ people)
For each circle:
Inner circle: Have deliberate conversations. Contribute to strategic decisions. Make sure they know your thinking, not just your work.
Middle circle: Show up consistently. Be reliable. Contribute to conversations. Collaborate without agenda.
Outer circle: Stay visible without effort. Attend events. Engage in industry conversations through LinkedIn.
POWER MOVE 28: THE GRATITUDE NOTE
This is the relationship stewardship piece. Every week, write a gratitude note to someone in your network.
Not a generic thank you. Something specific that shows you've been paying attention.
Example: I remember how you handled the difficult feedback in the meeting last week. The way you stayed curious instead of defensive. That's something I'm still learning. Thanks for modelling it.
What gratitude notes do:
✨Acknowledge the other person— Activates dopamine and oxytocin (bonding neurochemical). They feel seen.
✨Deepen relationships without agenda— You're not asking for anything. Just acknowledging them.
✨Counter-cultural— Most leaders are so busy they never express genuine appreciation. When you do, you stand out.
[20:00 - 21:30] THE NEUROSCIENCE OF INTENTIONAL NETWORKING
Your brain has a social brain—systems that process relationships, trust, and belonging.
When you're isolated: The system atrophies. It breaks down.
When you're connected: It strengthens.
When you build genuine relationships: Your brain releases oxytocin (bonding neurochemical). This actually increases your prefrontal cortex capacity. You think more strategically when you're relationally connected.
TRANSACTIONAL NETWORKING:
Cortisol rises
Amygdala on alert
Other person's prefrontal cortex goes offline
They're in defence mode
INTENTIONAL NETWORKING:
You show up with authenticity without agenda
You activate the vagal brake (parasympathetic nervous system)
People relax
They trust
They engage
THE TRUTH BOMB: The most influential leaders aren't the loudest in the room. They're the ones with the deepest networks. Because relationships create the neurological foundation for influence.
[21:30 - 22:30] JENNIFER'S TRANSFORMATION CASE STUDY
Jennifer is a brilliant operations manager. Capable. Competent. Completely invisible.
She spent 60 hours a week delivering excellent work. But she had no network beyond her immediate team or her boss. She wasn't known in her organisation.
When a higher-paid role came up—the exact role Jennifer wanted—she wasn't considered. She wasn't visible to the decision makers. She felt stuck.
Jennifer's belief: If I work harder, people will notice.
The truth: Working harder wasn't the answer. Building a network was.
THE TRANSFORMATION:
We worked on Power Move 10 (be more intentional). She identified key people for her circles.
She worked on authentic presence. She started attending meetings outside her direct role. She contributed ideas. She didn't network. She genuinely engaged.
Along with Power Move 28 (gratitude notes), she started expressing genuine appreciation.
THE RESULT:
Within a few months, she was visible in those circles. Her ideas were being discussed. People knew her and knew her thinking.
She got the role she wanted.
Not because she was more capable. (She'd already proven that.) But because the right people had visibility of her.
[22:30 - 23:00] YOUR 5-STEP ACTION PLAN THIS WEEK
STEP 1: MAP OUT YOUR THREE CIRCLES
Who's in the inner circle? Middle circle? Outer circle? Write them down.
STEP 2: IDENTIFY ONE GAP
Is the inner circle too small? Is the middle circle disconnected? Do you need to expand your outer circle? Which one is your biggest gap?
STEP 3: IDENTIFY THREE RELATIONSHIPS TO DEEPEN THIS MONTH
Not networking events. One-on-one conversations. Coffee. Lunch. Video calls.
STEP 4: WRITE THREE GRATITUDE NOTES THIS WEEK
Not to people you're trying to influence. To people you genuinely appreciate. Thank them for something specific.
STEP 5: SHOW UP AUTHENTICALLY IN YOUR NETWORK
No agenda. No calculation. Just genuine presence and interest.
The breakthrough happens when you shift from: "How can this person help me?"
To: "How can I contribute to this relationship?"
That one shift changes everything.
[23:00 - 23:30] CLOSING WISDOM & WHAT'S COMING NEXT
This series—the Conversation and Influence Mastery series—has been about how others experience you when you communicate.
It's about being heard. Being seen. Having your ideas carried forward.
But there's a larger capability that builds on everything you've learned: Strategic Leadership Presence.
This is the focus of our next six-episode series starting next week.
WHAT IS BRAND PRESENCE?
Brand presence isn't about self-promotion. It's about being clear about:
What you stand for
How you want to be known
How your unique perspective creates value
Your network is the infrastructure for that strategic leadership presence.
Your brand presence isn't created in isolation. It's created through how you show up consistently in those relationships.
When you've built an intentional network, you have amplifiers:
People who understand your thinking
People who advocate for you
People who will carry your ideas
That's strategic brand presence in action.
THE RECONSTRUCTED THOUGHT:
You're only one reconstructed thought away from the breakthrough you deserve.
Sometimes that thought is simply: "My influence extends as far as my relationships allow. It's time to build them intentionally."
FINAL WISDOM:
Conversations and influence isn't a skill you practice in isolation. It's a skill you practice in relationships.
Your network is where your influence actually happens.
Because influence isn't about being brilliant. It's about others believing you're thinking enough to carry it forward.
You've learned:
✅ How to communicate concisely
✅ How to stay poised
✅ How to read audiences
✅ How to lobby strategically
✅ How to engage intentionally
Now use these skills to build the relationships that will amplify everything you do.
AI TOOLS & PROMPTS
For Insiders (Leader Within Blueprint members):
You have access to the Time Liberator—part of the Leader Within Blueprint.
This tool analyses your calendar and workload and identifies routines or tasks that could be delegated or batched so that you can spend time building those relationships.
For Non-Insiders:
Use ChatGPT, Microsoft Copilot, or your preferred AI tool with this prompt:
CUSTOM AI PROMPT:
I just listened to the podcast episode about networking intentionally. The power moves I learned are:
Power Move 10: Be More Intentional
Power Move 28: The Gratitude Note
Based on the Leader Within Method, I believe I'm on rung [INSERT YOUR RUNG] of the Savviness Ladder for intentional networking because [EXPLAIN YOUR SITUATION].
You can download the Savviness Ladder from the show notes and attach it so the AI has full context.
Then ask:
Confirm what this rung typically looks like for intentional networking
Help me map out my three circles with specific names of people I want to build relationships with
Give me a networking roadmap for the next 90 days that will help me deepen my key relationships authentically
Help me see what the next rung would look like for intentional networking
Keep it conversational and practical, not generic.
RESOURCES
📥Download the Savviness Ladder— Identify your rung for intentional networking
Next Episode: Strategic Brand Presence Mastery begins next week.
THE ASK
If this episode has resonated with you:
✅Follow the podcast (helps the algorithm)
✅Leave a comment (tells others this is valuable)
✅Share with a leader who needs this (spread the breakthrough)
Lead with clarity, passion, and purpose. Build authentically. Amplify generously.
🎙️ Sue-Anne Higgins
Host, The Leader Within Podcast: Strategic Leadership for Women
